Transformation Day 2012: Update for 12/12/11

public domain image of a butterflyYesterday marked the end of my 20th week in my Transformation Day 2012 challenge.  I didn’t post a week 19 update, but I’m posting a week 20 update for some accountability.

This morning, I weighed in at 255 pounds.  That’s a gain of 2.8 pounds over the last two weeks, and it really is time for me to get real and get my act together here.

For those of you who have food issues but think, “I deserve a treat.  It’s the holidays!”, I have to say that you’re dead wrong! I’ve been around the block more than a time or two with a low-carb way of eating, and every time I get comfortable, every time I think, “Just this once,”, I get myself into real trouble.

I can tell you all where it started.  Just before Thanksgiving, I’d gone to church to volunteer.  I ate before I went because I knew there’d be food served after Mass.  (It was the day for the monthly “senior luncheon”.) Anyway, I wasn’t hungry at all when I took my son to the parish hall, but I was taken completely off guard by what happened next.  We didn’t get the chance to serve ourselves for the meal.  One of the special things that the kids at the school do is serve everyone and then do dishes afterward, so we were all brought plates piled high with Thanksgiving fare — smoked turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, homemade dressing, corn, and green bean casserole.  Now, if I’d gone through a line and served myself, I would have taken some turkey and some green beans (so as not to look out-of-place) and that would have been that, but having all this food piled in front of me just did me in! For the first time in months, I caved, and I ate starchy veggies and wheat-containing items.

Now, some of you might be thinking, “It’s no big deal, Sarah.  Just get right back on track.” And I guess if you don’t have a dysfunctional relationship with food, that’s probably reasonable advice.  But for me, that one meal brought every monster to the surface that’d been kept tightly leashed for months.  From that day on, I’ve been struggling to gain the upper hand, and that’s reality.

Have I given up? Of course I haven’t given up.  When I started this process back in July, I knew it wouldn’t be easy.  I knew I’d stumble along the way.  That all being said, I also knew that I’d have some accountability too.  My friends, my family, and my blog readers all know what I’m doing, and I can’t just quit because quitting’s easy and changing your life is hard.

So what’s next? Well, I’m putting my foot down.  I’m drawing on the support of friends, family, and community to get through the tough spots with carbohydrate withdrawal because I KNOW how amazing it feels to control those issues rather than those issues controlling me.  I also intend to focus less on food.  Right around the time that I ate off plan in November, I had decided that I was going to be REALLY structured about my food.  Well, I shouldn’t have messed with what was working for me because focusing so much on every aspect of what went into my mouth really made things worse, I think.  When I was just eating what I wanted (low-carb) when I felt hungry and not eating when I wasn’t hungry, I never had cravings or urges to eat the things that’ll sink me quicker than you can imagine.

Don’t give up on me, folks.  I’m not giving up on me.  I’m really determined to figure this whole thing out this time, and when I set my mind to doing something, I always get it done.  I just wanted to share some of my recent struggles with you folks so you can see that it’s not always sunshine and daisies.  It doesn’t always go right all the time.  That doesn’t mean that you can’t reach your destination though.  What we do matters!

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2 Responses to Transformation Day 2012: Update for 12/12/11

  1. Paula says:

    First of all, thank you for all your hard work and sharing your blog with us! I’ve been on the Atkins diet since September and had several slip-ups aka cheats. It’s especially hard during the time from Thanksgiving to Christmas, too many treats and temptations. I think it’s only human to give in at times. Dust yourself off and begin a new day of clean eating. Low carb veggies, extra virign coconut oil and meat are your friends.

    • Thank you so much for the kind words.

      I know that I’m only human, but here’s the thing. If I hadn’t restricted things to the degree that I had around the first part of November, I seriously doubt I’d be struggling like this now. I was COMPLETELY at peace with my eating, not craving anything, and then I got restrictive and obsessive (to drive faster results), and it really back-fired. Losing weight just a little faster is NOT worth the feeling of peace I had with respect to my eating. As a food addict, it was so nice to think about other things instead of food. It was so nice to attend my daughter’s birthday party without giving a second thought to my nemesis — butter cream frosting! I was truly care-free with my food, and then I got silly. Lesson learned though, right? I won’t be making that mistake again.

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